Haven’t posted for a bit since I don’t like to bore you with my grumbling and quacking about things over which I have no control. This is just a bad time of year in the memory banks of my mind.
It’s the period of time where, my birthday, my parents’ wedding anniversary (would have been their 70th) and Mother’s Day are sandwiched between their deaths, just 29 days apart. One would think one would get over it after 10+ years but apparently not. Still go into a full-blown mope.
Add to that grumpy little mindset the arrival of bills for the trip to the ER and you’ve got a person who’s in quite a little snit. On one hand I want to cry and on the other I want to rant, however, none of it makes for a good post.
Since writing is a form of cheap but effective therapy for me I was toying with writing about the lovely weather we had yesterday…just to write something. (It really was lovely!) But after letting that percolate, it wouldn’t let me get “stuff” off my chest as it were. I write this blog (as I’ve said many times) primarily for me.
After thinking about compromising its purpose and content, I wondered if it actually might be more helpful for people to see that life is not all great relationships and pretty pictures on Pinterest. There are plenty of blogs that fill that bill. But is it realistic? Does it make people who read those “happy” blogs feel any more balance in their lives? Or does it give them a brief escape and an unreal expectation of what life “should” be and emphasize how their own lives don’t meet this standard?
Can you tell I’ve been thinking about how completely unreal mass media makes life appear? I’m not saying that one should dwell on negative thoughts or turn into pollyannas but perhaps knowing that we all experience ups and downs, would it make someone feel a little less alone in their life experience…?
Not that I’m by any means a shining example to follow, rather “sh#t happens” and little by little I’m learning one needs to give it recognition, acknowledgement, not just gloss over it. Living seems to demand give and take. The problem I see is when you forget to keep your eyes open for that moment of grace, the small sparkling miracles that are all about us if we can look up rather than down, that’s when we take the first step in a downward spiral.
Oscar Wilde has a great quote to illustrate this:
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”.
So what is today’s little grace? Ironically, it comes in the form of a bill…the ER bill to be specific. Didn’t expect that did you? 🙂 Had written a whole post ranting about Anthem Blue Cross and the cat and mouse games they play with medical providers when it just dawned on me that underneath that rant lay my rather large miracle!
The bill I’m referring to, arrived yesterday and the total for just the Emergency Room and six whole hours was…please sit down…
…$9,800.18. Yeah, just drink that one in. Slowly. A rather heady brew wouldn’t you say? The kind that could knock you to the ground and leave you there for the count.
Well, for the moment, it appears that ABC had…wait for it…
…whacked off $8,816.18! I’m only responsible for $984.00! Well, that and the CT’s and full ambulance bill, but still…isn’t that amazing? Once again, it’s simply in how you choose to view things in your life.