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It seems that my interest in blogging is waining as my absences here get longer and longer. Not really sure what’s causing it. Part of me wants to moan that it’s the ^&#@%# heat. It’s been in the 100’s for weeks now and it just gets old. I’m sick of the window air conditioner running 24/7.

But it’s probably a combination of things. There’s my little missing budgie, the person who was going to run errands for me only to last about a week and a half plus just a general milieu and loneliness that have melted over me. I know I have to back up and explain since none of this makes much sense I’m sure.

So, about the budgie. A few weeks ago I noticed a build up of bird poo right by the back door. Then there was the night I went for groceries rather late and wound up coming home at almost 8 p.m. and after I dragged the bags to the back porch, I went to open the back door only to have a flurry of feathers and wings explode above me.

The little budgie.

The little budgie.

It was the little budgie and I’d scared it out of it’s sleep. It in turn fled, running thunk into the roof overhang. Poor little guy 😦 I felt so bad but how was I to know the little creature had appropriated a wee nook in the eaves right above the back door as a little house?

It was sleeping on the conduit that led to the flood light on the back porch. Well, after that I was super careful not to use the back door after 8 at night. Or if I did, I made sure that he knew I was going to interrupt his sleep, so he could fly away and not be so surprised.

I felt rather privileged that the spot was considered safe for sleeping. It seemed like it had sort of adopted me. Yes, I know, I REALLY need a dog. My anthropomorphizing has gone into overdrive. Anyways, it gave me a happy feeling.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. There are essentially five or six songbirds that have called the yards and trees around this house “home” for several years and suddenly one Tuesday, they all vanished, including my little adoptive budgie.

My gut feeling is that a new renter moved in somewhere nearby. One with a cat that was allowed to roam and hunt. I’ll never know but suddenly there are no tweets, chirps or trills in the air. Not a songbird in sight. Even the raucous green parrots have gone away. It gets me irrationally angry but then again how can I be sure? So I’ve felt lonely and hurt. Part of this is from the isolation that comes with the inability to get around like a normal person.

I no longer get out weekly to see my friends in the knitting group or go “window-shopping” the way I used to. The result is feeling more and more cut off from the world. Even my sleep is off kilter as I sit here at 4 a.m. writing this. I am never up this early, much less functioning. And this isn’t the first time. It’s very odd.

My mom used to say that my brother and I could entertain ourselves. That she could sit us down with paper and crayons and not hear a peep from us for hours. Well, that’s probably a good thing at this point. Anyhow the point of writing this isn’t for your sympathy. Heck, everyone has crap in their lives, it’s more to make sense of it for myself really.

Currently, today is the anniversary of our marriage. yeah, big deal. CRH/Jerkoff. 34 years gone to hell. Thanks Chucky.

I find that if something is bothering me, writing about it can “right it” for me or at least have it make sense to some degree. Well, it’s now 6:40 a.m. and it’s lights out. I should go back to bed and see if I can wring any sleep out of what’s left of the night before the hellish heat returns. To be continued….