Just finished watching “Everything Must Go”. It stars Will Farrell. Not a big WF fan at all BTW. Not something I’d ever seek out to view but surprisingly relevant for my mood today.
Gave up both storage units last week. One was my whole life or I should say, had my whole life in it. The stuff that I took with me when I left the house I shared with the dolt I’m no longer married to.
Anyways, the storage units had all the photos, artwork, antiques, family stuff, my entire yarn and knitting book stash, craft supplies and so on. Gone to some stranger. I no longer could afford the rent on them, so the storage company sold them.
It’s so amazing. Time. And death and loss. I picked up the phone today and as I looked at the window where you see the caller’s name I thought I saw “Mom” for a split second. Yes, I still long to talk to her and even have written to her (not to be published) and will soon see her. Would have thought it’d be my father, but no, it’s my Mom I miss the most.
Sure, the experience of loss is often shelved as you proceed to go on living. If it couldn’t be, you’d be a morose sack of shit to be quite blunt. But it resurfaces when you least expect it. Even 17 years later.
And that was even before I saw today’s movie. Maybe one should expect it.
I no longer have to think about where to put all the stuff. All that’s left is the junk that’s in this rental house and garage here at Grey House.
Most of that’s paperwork, saved under the guise of divorce and the possibly of needing it for some vague reason. Well, that and there are a lot of clothes from “a life I no longer have” yet I hang on to them for some reason.
Maybe this is how it begins. The leaving. The walking off the planet as it were. You just get tired when there’s no reason for rejuvenation.
Life simply loses it’s luster when you’re totally alone. No one to share anything with. Why care? Why bother?
No one to talk to. No one to reminisce with.
I hope you never experience this.
The following photo is more to cheer me up more than for you, sorry.
Love it, so cute. Listening to Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You”.